180 Degrees Whopper

My life has taken a 180 degrees turn,  my husband of eleven years died this May; my world came crashing down. We have two sparkling gems; a preteen daughter and an eight year son. Now handling widowhood and being a single parent at the same time is a fusion of two different lives.  Let me give a little back ground of the life before his death. 

Well, our marriage itself was a fusion of two different worlds; me being born and brought up in the Middle East,him in Pakistan. Life threw us together and this started a journey of new realizations and adjustments. During the eleven year period, we lived in three different countries, mainly Middle east.  

His death has brought me and my children to live in Pakistan, to live with his parents ,as he was an only child and I felt it heartless to leave them alone here. Now them not wanting to leave this place for better pastures with us is another story. Hope is always there. 

Well, back to the present, kids are so confused, heart broken and well, not wanting to live here. My job : handle my own grief, handle my kids grief, make the three of us adjust to a life soooo different from what we are used to.  Plus, the added pleasure (sarcasm) of taking in every sympathetic relative's "well-meant" advice about how I should be leading my life, how the kids can best be taken care of, specially how each of their recommended school is " The Best" (I wonder if they get commission for that!).  

The irony of how my husband's uncles and aunts and cousins visiting or calling ,with full cry-outs infront of me and me , his life partner, comforting them that how Allah knows best, sometimes makes me wonder, does it look like I don't have a heart; must be so. Everyone knows the parents' grief, the kids' grief, where's the wife? I didn't mention that my husband had been sick on and off the last two years after he met with an accident. His condition got worse three months before his death, though he had started the road to recovery, the doctor being very optimistic, nobody can avoid the unavoidable; his death was a complete surprise. I mentioned this because we had gone through that trauma too before his death;me and the kids were there alone with him in a new country where we had moved just a few months back.  

Riding the emotional roller coaster, you are rubbed in by the frequent mention of the fact how such a huge responsibility has come upon your shoulders,bringing up the kids alone and all, hellloooo........I know that, they are my kids, I'll of course bear their responsibility.....wow. Then again,occasionally I'm told to take exceptional care of my son because being the son he is supposed to be the image of his father. The question is what crime has my daughter done? Why not the same advice with reference to her? I thought daughters were more the mirrors of their dads;at least I am. Why the discrimination? Both the kids are our jewels, May Allah always bless them. 

Another surprising fact (the list is never-ending) is it seems I'm not supposed to remember that I have a family back in the middle east, who is as anxious about our future. The again "excellent " advice is that focus on living here with the in-laws, don't make emotional decisions like visiting your family back home often! What surprises me is the fact that not one of the "qualified" advisors have, by the Grace of Allah, gone through what I'm going through, all the advising faculty(the aunties and uncles) have their family intact( may it always be like that for them).  

I really feel great after writing this (upon the advise of my excellent sister). I suppose I'll take it a day at a time, handling the kids and my own self along with the trials and tribulations of a new life, in a new country, with new people . We three will be a team!  

Thanks for taking the time to read, I really appreciate it. 

Take Care!