Blessings in trials

Silence.......silence is what I remember......the three of us together.....me and the kids......no we were not sitting in a serene garden, far from it, we were in the midst of an airport's hubbub , the Dubai  Int'l airport. I don't know whether the kids were with me in the memory lane, but I had gone two months back when 'the four' of us-not three-were going to Pakistan to visit his parents. My brother also was traveling with us  to help through the journey. I could see my brother taking snapshots with us and me not wanting to take my hubby's pic as he was still on recovery and looked weak; not wanting to keep a painful memory. I had planned on taking his healthy pics once he recovered, not knowing that he was traveling his last, in fact breathing his last as he died within 12 hours of reaching Pakistan.

I had to return to UAE within a fortnight after his death to complete paperwork with his office. It gave me time to think, at least brought some sanity , because in Pakistan it was getting insane, swarm of people flowing through the house making me want to run away in a far off place where I could have SOME peace of mind. " Piece of mind" was what was needed to be given to these people, a person is already torn apart, absolutely clueless of what to do, leave him alone. But NO! I can understand people try to help but sometimes the method is wrong. And the questions asked about what happened, what had the doctors said....even " did you ask the doctor before coming?"  and one unknown lady asks: If he was so sick then why didn't you bring him here before?!??!!! Of course any one with common sense knows that traveling when a person is recovering is better than traveling when a person is worse. One other uncle was like: "If you would have consulted me I would have advised you not to bring him, he couldn't bear the journey"...oh okayyy......I didn't know ,though an engineer , you were a better doctor than the specialist treating my husband; a person who was the head of his dept....... Is he blaming me....... seriously?

Apparently so many questions were asked as my husband was only in his thirties, so his death was a shocker. Of course a shocker, but what about the will of the Almighty?

Well, the time I and the kids spent with my family back home in UAE , was a start to the healing process. My sister & my bhabhi ( sister-in-law) made it their duty to give the  interview of what happened to the guests themselves before they came to me to offer their condolences. Every visiting person was informed beforehand not to cry in-front of the kiddos. As they were so scared , confused (poor things thought it their fault their dad died as they used to make noise when baba was sleeping) and wary of the reactions of people in Pakistan that , a sort of protective shield was created by my siblings. The Mamoos ( my brothers) made a point of taking the kids out often and all our good family friends & my own friends invited the kids for outings frequently. Nani ( my mother) was the advisory counsel for them & of course me , having gone through the phase herself (my father died 7 yrs ago). Ami has always been my best friend and the sort of person who sense of righteousness will never let her favor her children if they are in the wrong.

Before our coming again to pak, my sister and bhabhi threw a surprise party for the kids. Things were secretly planned, not even Amma (what kiddos call me) was told; all the party stuff was smuggled in when the kids weren't around and all the guests' mommies took part excitedly. Come the event day and beautiful kids dressed even more beautifully and handsomely ( for boys :) ) started arriving with the mammas. That moment when my kids realized what was happening was a Kodak moment captured in my mind's camera, it will remain there forever. I could almost cry from gratitude to the Almighty Allah, I wasn't alone, I had the best support group right there!  My sister is a magician when planning & decorating for a party, the party mood was everywhere! The entire experience was created without any music or movies - quiet the feet I think!

    A collage capturing the essence of the "Kids' Party"

Proper age appropriate games for 8-10 years were organized like Scavenger hunt, Pinatas, Tic Tac Straw race, Barn yard, Who Am I?, are to name some.  Out came the party snacks and viola! the hungry little crowd had gobbled it up in no time :) The snacks themselves showed imagination to attract the kids. Blue and yellow colored pancake rolls, pizzas,nuggets, chocolate muffins, Ritz delights, noodles omelette along with lemonade with berry juice ice cubes were all made with love mixed in them by "Laala" (my kids 'name for my sister) and "Maami" (kids' name for my sister-in-law).

The young party guests were presented with "Glow Sticks" as tokens of appreciation; the sprouting smiles were classic :D

Though I started this post feeling low, but these memories really brightened me just as they brightened my kids.

Thanks for taking the time to read. It means a lot :)

Love yourself......love others!

180 Degrees Whopper

My life has taken a 180 degrees turn,  my husband of eleven years died this May; my world came crashing down. We have two sparkling gems; a preteen daughter and an eight year son. Now handling widowhood and being a single parent at the same time is a fusion of two different lives.  Let me give a little back ground of the life before his death. 

Well, our marriage itself was a fusion of two different worlds; me being born and brought up in the Middle East,him in Pakistan. Life threw us together and this started a journey of new realizations and adjustments. During the eleven year period, we lived in three different countries, mainly Middle east.  

His death has brought me and my children to live in Pakistan, to live with his parents ,as he was an only child and I felt it heartless to leave them alone here. Now them not wanting to leave this place for better pastures with us is another story. Hope is always there. 

Well, back to the present, kids are so confused, heart broken and well, not wanting to live here. My job : handle my own grief, handle my kids grief, make the three of us adjust to a life soooo different from what we are used to.  Plus, the added pleasure (sarcasm) of taking in every sympathetic relative's "well-meant" advice about how I should be leading my life, how the kids can best be taken care of, specially how each of their recommended school is " The Best" (I wonder if they get commission for that!).  

The irony of how my husband's uncles and aunts and cousins visiting or calling ,with full cry-outs infront of me and me , his life partner, comforting them that how Allah knows best, sometimes makes me wonder, does it look like I don't have a heart; must be so. Everyone knows the parents' grief, the kids' grief, where's the wife? I didn't mention that my husband had been sick on and off the last two years after he met with an accident. His condition got worse three months before his death, though he had started the road to recovery, the doctor being very optimistic, nobody can avoid the unavoidable; his death was a complete surprise. I mentioned this because we had gone through that trauma too before his death;me and the kids were there alone with him in a new country where we had moved just a few months back.  

Riding the emotional roller coaster, you are rubbed in by the frequent mention of the fact how such a huge responsibility has come upon your shoulders,bringing up the kids alone and all, hellloooo........I know that, they are my kids, I'll of course bear their responsibility.....wow. Then again,occasionally I'm told to take exceptional care of my son because being the son he is supposed to be the image of his father. The question is what crime has my daughter done? Why not the same advice with reference to her? I thought daughters were more the mirrors of their dads;at least I am. Why the discrimination? Both the kids are our jewels, May Allah always bless them. 

Another surprising fact (the list is never-ending) is it seems I'm not supposed to remember that I have a family back in the middle east, who is as anxious about our future. The again "excellent " advice is that focus on living here with the in-laws, don't make emotional decisions like visiting your family back home often! What surprises me is the fact that not one of the "qualified" advisors have, by the Grace of Allah, gone through what I'm going through, all the advising faculty(the aunties and uncles) have their family intact( may it always be like that for them).  

I really feel great after writing this (upon the advise of my excellent sister). I suppose I'll take it a day at a time, handling the kids and my own self along with the trials and tribulations of a new life, in a new country, with new people . We three will be a team!  

Thanks for taking the time to read, I really appreciate it. 

Take Care!